#DailyWritingChallenge Day 23: Trust

“What do you need?”

At work, feeling the trust to answer honestly to this question takes time and a good, professional relationship grounded in mutual respect and understanding. An understanding that both parties are working with the same time end goal in mind, in a team in which there is no division and purpose is unified. I think I was only asked this once by my previous employer. Is that enough. Not in my opinion.

Also, being free to be yourself, quirky idiosyncrasies and all, without an insidious feeling you are being mocked for something you said, an item of clothing you wear, or feeling that your excitement over something you have read, seen or done is excessive and needs reining in.

As well, having the space to vocalise reflections and opinions without the sense you are wasting someone else’s time or energy, so you feel that your voice is heard and one to which some listen, is important. Trusting to collaborate I call it.

Giving trust wondering if I give this too freely or for the wrong reasons. When and if betrayed, how to deal with the fallout?

A lack of trust is why I am moving on. I trust my gut instinct to know that I have tried to give and find trust but it isn’t enough and it is eating away at my ability to thrive and I am burnt out trying. It has affected my wellbeing and sense of purpose because I didn’t know where I stood in plans for the future and so move I must.

I trusted I was good at my job and knew there was always something to improve on, but now I am not so sure because when confronted with several personal disasters in quick succession, I didn’t feel I could ask for help and none was offered. I was made to feel that I was inadequate, beyond help and the weakest link.

Such lack of trust sent me catapulting into breakdown.

Now I trust myself to know I cannot allow that to happen again. I just have to figure out how. Do I trust myself to work out how?

This blog is hard to write because I felt betrayed by my closest colleagues. How can I trust again because it feels they never trusted me? This writing challenge is helping to set me free but some days are easier than others.

Since the epidemic began I trust that I am more truthful with myself, that is for sure. It is helping me to grow and decide my limits to what I am prepared to give of myself.

I trust in the present and the future, my family and close friends.

Catch me if I fall and I’ll catch you too. United we’re better: divided we fall.

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